


things i feel because of you

by maki_senpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Self-Doubt, Soulmate AU, cmmssn, kita x oc, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:02:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maki_senpai/pseuds/maki_senpai
Summary: For a moment the world seemed to stop. Yumiko knew that Kita liked being straight to the point and being blunt. He’s honest to fault and doesn’t sugarcoat things. A beat of silence fell between them as Kita and Yumiko locked gazes. It was hard to tell what the other was thinking, but all they could hear was their hearts beating rapidly and the echoes of Kita’s last three words hung in the air.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 10





	things i feel because of you

Kita never really thought of himself as sad or felt any dissatisfaction with his life. He was always content and happy with what he has and what he’s done. But because of the world he lives in, he’s felt every anxiety-ridden emotion there is. It’s not like it was on his own free will. It was because of the fact that he can feel his soulmate’s emotions. It was bothersome and impeded with his daily life. It happened at night mostly, keeping him awake and couldn’t help but worry. Sometimes Kita wished that the “soulmate indicator” of this world was different. Maybe a matching tattoo would do, or maybe charms. Anything but _this_. 

Soulmates in this world feel their counterpart’s emotions/feelings when they are away from each other. This made Kita want to meet them as soon as possible because he wanted to ask if whoever he’s destined to be with is okay and help them in any way he can. After all, he’s supposed to love this person for the rest of his life. He tried not to let the need to find them be so urgent that it gets in the way of his daily life, but nonetheless, he’d go home an hour late in search for them. 

This went on until high school and found that he stopped feeling their emotions whenever he was in class. He figured that he’s met them already, but because of the never ending stream of students that file in and out of the school, he was never really sure as to who it could be. Everyone around him seemed happy enough that they shouldn’t be able to harbor such heavy emotions, but of course, no one really shows that publicly. 

Kita always thought he was perceptive of other people’s feelings, but every day, he thinks it’s becoming less true as it’s already his third year of high school and not once has he had even a clue of who his soulmate is. He sighed and stared at his bento blankly, not even hearing his name being called. 

“...Shin-chan? Anyone home up there?” Kogane Yumiko waved her hands in front of Kita’s face and he blinked at her, seemingly lost. 

“Huh? Oh. I’m sorry, I-”

“Thinkin’ about your soulmate again?” She smiled warmly at him, a flash of _something_ in her olive, hazel eyes, unreadable to Kita and he sighs again. 

She giggles, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find them soon enough.”

“It’s my last year here.” 

“Hm, I mean… Have you narrowed it down to which class they may be in at least?”

“I just know they’re in our class since I don’t feel any of what they do. I think. Sometimes, I’m not so sure anymore.” 

“This _is_ a difficult way of finding out who your person is. Sometimes I feel like mine doesn’t exist because I don’t really feel anything other than my own emotions so… On the bright side, at least you have a huge indicator.”

“This is why soulmate marks would’ve been easier or something.”

Yumiko laughed at this, which made Kita’s heart flutter. Ever since he met Yumiko, a part of him always gravitated towards her. Something about her was so alluring and her shyness was quite endearing. He likes the way her long hair, bounces when she walks, likes the way it swishes when she plays volleyball. (She’s the girls team’s starting libero.) Kita also doesn’t mind it whenever she greets him with a hug, or the fact that she sticks by his side. He likes it when their fingers brush against one another, or when she loops her arm around his whenever they walk home. He treasures those little moments and smiles at the thought. He especially finds her laugh so beautiful, the way she throws her head back and closes her eyes tightly that her nose crinkles adorably. He liked seeing her like that and loved that it was because of him that she’s laughing this way. 

“Why are you lookin’ at me like that?” She asked him, tilting her head to the side in question. Kita quickly averted his gaze and tried to suppress the blush that was starting to creep in. 

“Nothing.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

Something about her tone didn’t sit well with him, but he thought nothing of it, thinking that it was just in his head since he got caught admiring his best friend. And as much as he paid attention to her more than he paid attention to others, not once did he notice her growing feelings for him. Maybe because he was always so caught up in finding his soulmate, that everything else seemed to come second. 

But lately, he couldn’t help but forget his tiny mission just a little bit whenever he spends time with Yumiko. He’s recognized these feelings. Knows what they are and why he has them. But because of the damn soulmate situation, he couldn’t help but feel like he’s betraying them by catching feelings for someone else. The bell indicating their lunch break is over, broke Kita out of his thoughts and went back to focus on his studies, saying an empty “see you later” when he watched Yumiko go back to her seat.

He tried to focus on what his teacher was saying and tried really hard to concentrate on the words that were in his textbook. It’s so unlike him to act this way, but he couldn’t help it. 

The feeling of anxiety crept up at him again, though not his own. He was confused and looked around the room and took note of who was suddenly absent and who was still there. His breath hitched when he found Yumiko’s seat empty. _When did she leave?_ He thought. 

_This is the first time she’s been absent. It wasn’t even a full day of absence. Was she feeling unwell? How did I not notice? Was she hiding it? Why didn’t she tell me? I could’ve walked her home._

Kita frowned, his eyebrows knitting together as his lips set into a thin line. Luckily, there were no club activities after school and decided that he’s going to visit her after the school day ends. But he sat restless in his seat, though unshowing as to not raise any concerns from his classmates or teacher. 

Instead, he thought back to when he first got to Inarizaki. He thought about how his soulmate felt the night before. The unshakeable anxiety and fear and he hoped that they had someone to tell them that it’ll be okay. That morning, the closer he got to school, the less he felt their feelings. Once he was settled in homeroom, a wave of students filed in and he couldn’t feel them anymore. It was also the first time he’s seen Yumiko. Her shy and reserved personality, her kind aura just emanating from her. They sat beside each other then, thus beginning their friendship. 

Kita then thought about all the times he’d be far from her or about all the times they won’t see each other, he’d feel his soulmate’s feelings. He wondered why he hadn’t noticed before. Maybe it was because he was so occupied with finding something that’s been beside him this whole time. But _maybe_ , somewhere deep in his heart, he hoped that it was Yumiko. Then it dawned on him. The way she never really talked deeply enough about her personal life, or how strained some of her smiles seemed, or how sometimes, he’d notice her look frustrated or scared or fidget with her fingers from nerves. How _familiar_ it seemed. He didn’t know why it seemed that way before, but now… _Now_ he knows.

Then he realized how he was always at peace with her, not feeling the anxieties his counterpart felt. He felt light and airy whenever they were together. All the laughter they shared, the little fleeting moments. He wanted to scream at himself for being so oblivious and blind at what was in front of him.

_Was I too hung up on trying to find my soulmate when I didn’t even have to? Or was I too busy pondering over the fact that I fell in love with her and being scared that I’d betray my soulmate for loving another?_ He was confused, and in one of the rare moments of his life, Kita was unsure of himself. It’s also the first time he understood the point of being nervous. Not that he knew exactly why he was nervous. There were still a couple hours left until school ended and his chest tightened, as if he was crying. He tried to shake his head and concentrated, focusing on whatever was written on the chalkboard, his eyes periodically drifting over to the empty seat that Yumiko would normally occupy. 

The rest of the school day, he tried to clear his mind and continue his studies and do what he does best. For the most part, he succeeded, but as minutes went on, the intense pressure of the anxiety he was feeling from Yumiko was becoming too much. He kept discreetly looking at the clock, counting down the seconds until it was time to go. He hoped his own feelings weren’t too much and didn’t want to add on to the pressure she was already feeling now. He wondered what she could be thinking about, why she feels this way, why she seems so closed off and afraid most of the time. The thought of her thinking about herself as anything less than incredible made his heart clench. The idea of Yumiko telling the opposite of what he thinks of her makes him feel so utterly heartbroken. 

Soon enough, the final bell of the day rang and he hastily put his belongings away, heading straight for the exit, ignoring the calls from Aran, Suna and the twins. He walked out of the school, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He started walking the familiar path he’s walked countless of times, but the sadness looming over him makes it seem like some unknown road. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Aran run up beside him.

“Kita! You’re unusually in a rush…”

“I think I know who my soulmate is.”

“No way! Are you sure? How do you know? Where’s Yumi-chan? It’s kinda odd not seeing you walk with her.”

Kita kept his eyes forward, trying to walk faster as Aran matched pace. When the latter didn’t receive an answer, realization hit him. 

“Is it-”

“Yeah. She was gone for the afternoon half of the day and I felt it. And I kept thinking about it, recounting all the moments of her absence, the familiarity of her nerves before games. It all made sense and it seems like she’s really sad right now and I need to go over and make sure she’s going to be okay. She never misses a class, even when she’s sick. But she seemed perfectly fine this morning and maybe I said something that wasn’t right and so she went home.”  
  
“Woah, Kita. Breathe. I’m sure it’ll be fine when you talk to her right? Besides, you’re always good at calming people and grounding them. Making it seem like everything is right in the world. You’re always so unwavering in everything, it’s no surprise Yumi-chan hasn’t felt your emotions when you’re both apart.”  
  
“Or maybe hers are already too much that mine gets thrown under.”

“Only one way to find out right?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see ya tomorrow. Thanks, Aran.” 

“Get ‘er!” 

With a final nod from Kita to Aran, the former jogged up ahead and eventually ran the rest of the way to Yumiko’s house. The closer he got, the less he felt her emotions, confirming what he’s been hoping for this whole time. He felt giddy, excited and everything in between. After such a long time searching, he can finally stop. He was happy. Happier that it’s Yumiko and not someone else because he wouldn’t know what to do with the feelings he already had for her. 

Out of breath, he stood in front of Yumiko’s door and stared at it, trying to regain his composure as if he hadn’t just ran some distance. After a few minutes, he finally brought his hand up and knocked on the door, a new wave of nerves overcoming him. This time, his own. 

Yumiko opened the door, eyes red and puffy from crying, her hair down gracefully. Her eyes widened when she saw Kita, with his hair sticking out in every which way. 

“Sh-Shin-chan… wh-”

“You’re my soulmate.” 

For a moment the world seemed to stop. Yumiko knew that Kita liked being straight to the point and being blunt. He’s honest to fault and doesn’t sugarcoat things. A beat of silence fell between them as Kita and Yumiko locked gazes. It was hard to tell what the other was thinking, but all they could hear was their hearts beating rapidly and the echoes of Kita’s last three words hung in the air.

“Yumi…” Kita was first to break the quiet. “Say something.”

“I… um… come in first, gosh.” Yumi ran a hand through her hair and stepped to the side to let Kita in. He bowed slightly and took the invitation, following Yumiko into the living room, after dropping his stuff by the genkan. They sat on the couch, a respectable distance apart, Kita looking at Yumiko, Yumiko looking at the floor. Neither of them said a word for a bit until she took a deep breath, eyes still trained on the suddenly interesting pattern on her floor. 

“Are you sure? That I’m…” 

“Yes. You were the only one absent this afternoon when I felt your emotions. And then I thought about it- kept thinking about it. How stupid I kinda feel for missing it for almost three years. I prided myself in being perceptive, being smart, striving to do what’s best. But with all this… these feelings so foreign and yet so familiar, blinded me from what I was looking for the whole time. The irony of it all… you were just right there the whole time and I’m happy. I’m happy that it’s you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it wasn’t.”

“Wh-what? What do you mean?” Yumiko looked up at the sincere eyes of Kita Shinsuke. The same eyes that lured her into falling in love with him. The ones that were always filled with conviction and honesty. 

“I like you. Even though I didn’t know that you were my soulmate, I still ended up having feelings for you. It was so simple, yet I made it complicated thinking that I’m betraying whoever I was destined to be with. On top of that, I was so keen on looking for whoever, that I didn’t think of observing what’s already right there.” 

Yumiko stared wide-eyed then huffed out a light-hearted chuckle, Kita showing slight confusion. 

“I guess I kinda feel stupid too, huh.” She started, “You’ve told me everything you’ve felt from your soulmate and not once did I think, ‘hey, that was literally what I was feeling at the time.’ I guess we’re the same in a sense…” 

“How so?”

Yumiko started to fidget with her fingers and took a shaky breath.

“You’re the only person I know who’s the closest to being emotionally stable, so now it makes sense as to why I never really felt anything on your end. I always thought it was because I was feeling too much of my own to even notice and maybe that’s true. And to be honest with you, I like you too. I’m just so scared all the time… of not being good enough. And for a while I thought I didn’t have a soulmate and that the gods already decided that I’m not good enough to have one. Especially when I’d hear everyone around me boast about theirs, or finding theirs. Then, when I met you, it’s like you lit up my world, but at the same time, carved out such a dark path because you’re so… _you_ and I’m just… _me._ You’re the closest thing to a perfect person and I’m the literal definition of a coward. Every time you talked about your soulmate, I tried so hard to suppress my disappointment because I wanted it to be me so badly. I just never thought someone like you could like someone like me. And with all that, it never really occurred to me to put two and two together because my own insecurities didn’t let me open up to such an idea.” 

Kita moved closer to Yumiko and put a hand over both her own, warmth radiating all around them. 

“Is that why you left this afternoon?” He asked.

“Yeah. It just felt like you were getting closer to finding whoever your soulmate was and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to take it. And I know it’s so selfish of me and so weak that I had to escape from it.” 

“In a way, it did lead me to you. It seems that the gods like you more than you think. We were both too hung up on our own… well, more like lost in our own one-track minds.” 

Yumiko shifted and moved her hand to hold Kita’s. 

“I guess I should apologize for putting you through all my breakdowns and stuff, especially when you talk about how worried you are.”

“Don’t be sorry about that, please. You don’t have to be. It’s not something that can be helped. Our minds are cruel to ourselves sometimes and it isn’t fair. And if you’re sorry about that, then I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. You’re one of my best friends and I wasn’t there for you when you were hurting. But promise me one thing, Yumiko…”

“What is it?”

“Don’t ever think you’re any less than what you really are. You’re so kind and smart. Beautiful and endearing with a heart of gold. Everything about you is so incredible that I can’t help but look at you longer than I should be. Hence um… earlier’s lunch.” A blush tinted Kita’s features and Yumiko couldn’t help but do the same. “You’re perfect in your own way, Yumi. And I want you to see yourself the way I do because you’re nothing short of amazing. I like you a lot and I’ll do my best to help you see why I do. If… of course, you’ll let me. Soulmate or not.” 

Tears threatened to come out of Yumiko once more and dropped her head gently on Kita’s shoulder. She wanted to say many other things, but couldn’t find the proper words to string together, so instead, she mumbled,

“Please take care of me.” The words being muffled against Kita’s clothes, but he heard it clearly nonetheless and smiled. Yumiko figured the rest of her words could wait to be heard as she felt Kita’s arms wrap around her protectively.

“Do you wanna know what I’m feeling?” He whispered against her hair. She let out a tiny sound of acknowledgement that Kita thought was adorable and he smiled. 

“I’m feeling like the happiest man on earth from all the things I feel because of you.” 

Yumiko giggled and hugged Kita back, “I didn’t think you were capable of being cheesy, Kita Shinsuke.” 

Kita simply hugged her closer to him and chuckled, finally feeling contentment and ease. The restlessness gone and replaced with tranquility in the arms he so longed to be in. He thought that all those years of searching was worth it, as everything he ever hoped for was right there in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> for Niko!
> 
> My [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SOUM4KI)


End file.
